I know I'm blessed. I've started a journey on a career that will always reward me for my accomplishments. I've graduated from a top college with honors in my field.
But for all of my great achievements in my career, my love life is non-existent at times.
I had someone...someone who I thought my actually be the guy for me...and it seems like the entire time we were together, I was scratching my head wondering why I was with him. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But he's not the guy for me. That's what's so upsetting about the situation. We clicked on a lot of levels but we didn't click on what mattered to me the most in a relationship. I want to feel secure that you're the only guy in my life that I could ever love and I NEVER felt that way with him. I know there are women out there who can relate to this. You feel like you're being a bitch but in reality you're being as REAL as possible. Most women (in some aspects) have no clue what they want. Let me go on the record as saying I am 75% sure of what I want in a guy; the other 25% is questioning whether these characteristics are valid. SO ladies, before I go any further I must say this...EVEN IF HE IS THE PERFECT GUY, IF HE'S NOT FOR YOU DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME. Yea I said it. =P I thought this guy was the one that I could grow to love but it's hard to grow to love someone...especially when you find everything about that person out of place. By that I mean, he had a great personality...pretty sensible. But when it counted, I felt like I was alone...like if I really needed him to be there for me he would check out. Ok, yes he was and is dependable. By be there for me I mean erase any doubts or fear that I would have about the relationship. I think Mya said it best in her song Lock U Down..."Somebody who can read me, check me when I need to be, pick me up when I'm falling. That's what I need". Not to mention he was immature to a certain extent. Yes he did things for me but when it came down to be a strong man for me I think he failed. He didn't do the simple things...it was always me initiating conversation. I HATE THAT! Yes I like to initiate conversation sometimes but all the time? NO! And I'm sure that most women hate that as well. I had to call or ask him to call me...WTF. I'm not even a phone person and he couldn't even do that! He was sweet but when you're in a relationship you need more. You want the complete package...and no I'm not perfect either...I'm flawed. But if I feel like I'm opening up to you constantly and you don't show me the same I slowly but surely shut down. So, at the end of the day, I shut down. I gave up...because in the end I went with my gut. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth me pondering everyday whether I wanted to be with him. It wasn't worth me being unhappy or feeling confined.
As I move on, I will take what I learned from this relationship and apply it to the next one; to ensure that it is successful. I will also try to put the same high powered energy that I put in my career in my relationship. I pray that God has someone for me as I am for them. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment