I Hate the Holidays =(

You know, the holidays haven't been fun for me past the age of 11. My family is so divided at times. And usually I'm caught in the middle without trying to be involved at all. It's hard when you have to ask your uncle whether you can come over to his house with your mom on Christmas and he says he has to think about it...not because of you but because he doesn't feel like dealing with your mother. Eventually I figured that everyone would realize how short life is and get over themselves. Just for the sake of the holidays. But NO. It hurts me when I have to deal with so much during a time when I should be happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for what I have...but I realize that some things could be better. My close friend started her own family and in some ways I don't blame her. She doesn't have to deal with the BS from other relatives. I want the same thing. I want to be able to start a family and have a tradition...something that's for me and my significant other and no one else. Yes, I'm down but once again, it makes me put all of my energy into work. I don't focus on the holidays until it comes up and smacks me in the back of my head with an emphatic "I'm HERE."

Before I end this sad blog, I will end with a poetic thought and also say that there will be scientific blogs coming soon...DON'T WORRY.

After bleeding dry, I can only hope that the pain will end. After crying knives, I can only hope that my face is not scared and will heal. After bleaching my mind into oblivion, I can only hope that my imagination still exists. I walk numbly, just as you have always done. I move slow not fast, trying to become. Become...become what was always in my destiny. My future full of jade and darkness. Darkness that I want to lose...but I continue to find in and out of time. Time and time and time again.